Tail Issues
by Clewis5EVA
Summary: Lewis and Cleo get up to some 'hanky panky'. To their dismay, they encounter numerous problems with hilarious consequences.
1. The Joining of two Lovers

Cleo knew exactly what Lewis had planned for the full moon tonight. A night in with 'the girls' was definitely not what this evening was about. Cleo wore a rather revealing dress, (much to the despair of her father) it sat far above the knee. Her hair tied into a neat, Australian plait, she was ready. Despite the fact that she knew precisely how long she would be wearing these clothes, Cleo had decided to dress up for the occasion.

As the doorbell rang, Lewis frantically spritzed himself with a pricy, masculine fragrance. The adolescent gasped as he opened the door. There stood a young woman, flawlessy gussied up. He quickly grabbed her shoulders, whilst simultainiously slamming the entrance shut with his leg. Cleo was then pushed against the wall, and kissed by the new, sensual Lewis. Lewis's lips were as tender as the flesh of his fishing bait; he had mastered the art of tonsil tennis. Cleo moved her hands around the slender body of her lover, feeling every crevice, never finding imperfections. To her, he was an Australian prince. The tension within her was released through every breath. The silver face of her locket steamed up. Lewis took his lady's hand and lead her to the bedroom. The pair hadn't exchanged even a greeting due to the amount of passion they had shared.

Prior to the occasion, Lewis had laid out everything necessary for tonight's endeavors. This ensured they could 'get right to it'. The bed soon inhabited the couple. Lewis explored Cleo's human form with his slim fingers, just as she had in the hallway. The girl then developed the kiss by gently tilting her head. Lewis didn't know how fond of her he was until this moment. Following this thought, he ripped off his charity shop jeans, disregarding their welfare. Soon he was down to only his socks.

Cleo followed though, removing each item of clothing with care. She was down to only her locket. Lewis glided in, letting himself slip below her now naked body. She rested on top, ready to begin. Lewis groaned, his childhood friend knew exactly how to pleasure him. He ran his fingers down to the edges of the bed. He clinged to the sides, growling with content. Suddenly the pair realised something was wrong. Lewis had ejaculated firmly into Cleo, their protection had split. Cleo disintigrated into a thousand pieces, her legs were replaced by a long, glistening tail. Lewis's face screwed up as he felt intense pain. His genitals had been swallowed up by his lover's tail. They were conjoined.

Was it time to call Rikki? Perhaps she had the same problem with Zane one day? They do get around, everyone knows that. Lewis had an intense worry that Rikki would laugh, point and stare. He didn't want his penis to be gazed upon by anyone apart from Cleo. Would Emma understand? Perhaps not. Cleo looked down in horror to discover she had engolfed her boyfriend's penis. How could they possibly dry her private parts to enable her to release him? Lewis no longer cared when he noticed once again, the smooth mouth of Cleo. He pushed her shoulders down to the bed, pinning her. He then proceeded to give her the most magnificent kiss of his life. Cleo being Cleo, she sat up, ready to hatch a plan. Simply removing his genitals wasn't an option, she wasn't going to let Lewis be without a penis for the entire length of his life. That would grant the pair no sexual pleasure.


	2. The Soggy Attachment

The young lovers had decided to call on a feisty sex veteran, Rikki. She knew the ropes, for sure, but would she be sympathetic? Possibly, considering all the sticky situations she's got herself into.

"So you're attached to your boyfriend's penis?"

"Rikki, please, this is a sensitive matter." Lewis replied, a cold sweat becoming visible on his brow. He couldn't deal with Rikki's taunting after the great boob knocking of 06.

"Oh ho ho" Rikki prodded him, bearing a huge grin. "You're embarrassed about 'getting it on', aren't you?"

Lewis snapped back "NO… I mean yes, I mean… no. We've done it plenty times before, right?" He grasped Cleo's hand.

"LEWIS!" Cleo gasped.

The excitable Rikki was almost jumping in her seat. "THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME, ISN'T IT!?" She exclaimed.

Lewis rested his gaze on his second hand trainers. "Possibly, maybe…"

Cleo scanned the room nervously. We all know she was having a 'nice time' with her fine assed geologist man friend. She quickly butted in, avoiding the topic. "Rikki, can you just tell us what we can do?!"

She pondered for a moment. "Well, I guess I could melt it off for you."

"Uhm, Rikki, are you sure?" Lewis looked a little uncertain. He'd done experiments before, but nothing involving fire, testicles or real tails.

"Hey, old pal, you can trust me." Without a second thought, she presented her hand to the couple, and proceeded to separate them".

"Woah, Rikki, I'm not sure this is such a good idea." Cleo struggled to sit still.

"Yeah, Rikki, please could you slow down?!" Lewis complained. These were words he thought he wasn't going to use tonight.

Unfortunately, it was too late. Rikki had taken her segregation a step too far. Cleo now possessed a melted tail, and Lewis, squashed, soggy genitals. After a rather heated debate, they decided to call on Zane. Zane was the obvious 'hotty' of the group. Lewis found him intimidating and was therefore dreading his arrival. I mean, he was even better at fishing (fishing for both ladies and fish).

"Well, what do we have here?" Zane poked his head round the door, his face adorning a ma-hoo-sive smile.

Lewis sighed. "Please, Zane, be cool".

"Aha sorry Lewis, loverboy." Zane chucked to himself.

Lewis promptly dropped his lover's hand as to not cause a commotion.

"Oh don't mind me." Zane said snidely. "Now… Should we call my Dad?" Zane had an odd connection with his father. He adored every element of his being. Lewis had even seen him once eat the dirt his Dad had sat on during the annual city Neighbours marathon.

"You want to call your Dad about our _sex_ issue?!" Cleo wailed. She knew calling on fathers in these areas was a bad idea. Cleo never wanted to see Rikki's dad's buttocks again.

"No no no no no!" Rikki put her foot down.

"Okay, okay, we'll call Emma". Zane knew Emma owed him a favour, a rather big favour, if you know what I mean.

The group agreed this was the most sensible solution. Emma would know what to do. She could cool down the molten train wreck of a situation, couldn't she?


	3. A Fixed Expression

"What do you MEAN they're attached?!" Emma replied down her hot pink flip phone. (It was a prized possession of hers due to a rather suggestive stain Ash left on the back).

"That's right, you heard me!" Rikki confirmed the pair's intercourse troubles were true.

Emma chuckled to herself. "Right, I'm coming over."

Emma wasn't too impressed by this somewhat ridiculous display of love. When she and Ash had their 'first time', it wasn't too traumatic. Well, if you call a slightly deformed penis calm. Emma may have almost chomped through his DNA rifle after being startled by the transformation, but we shouldn't delve into that.

"Excuse me, please just stop… stop poking it!" Lewis flailed as he failed to protect his 100% all-beef thermometer from Rikki.

"Hey Rikki, I'd like a turn!" Zane chimed in. He was very used to girls fondling with his love muscle. Emma, Rikki, who was next? He did have an eye for Cleo once, but this was before the whole aubergine blender incident they would all rather forget.

"Hey!" Emma had arrived. "Um… what's going on?!" Her gaze soon rested on Rikki's hand groping her 'pen pal'. She desperately wanted to have another try, but that was the old, soulful Emma.

"Oh thank my lucky stars, you're here." Cleo sighed.

"No need to be sarcastic, you'll never settle down with a husband that way". Emma advised. She was one to point her friends in the right direction. This was due to her surprisingly dark and twisted past. Now, whenever she spots a toilet plunger, she flees.

"Fine then, I'll live alone." Cleo snapped, disregarding the feelings of Lewis.

Lewis twiddled his thumbs and wondered as to why he wasn't even being regarded as a possible 'keeper'. It's probably his original odour.

"Now, let's break you two up". Emma wasn't one for dilly dallying or mindless chatter. (At least, not anymore).

"B-b-b-break up?!" Lewis gasped. He was a vulnerable child trapped in a pubescent teen's body.

"Yes Lewis, it_ has_ to happen sometime". Emma 'reassured' him.

Emma launched her powers at the tail and hoped for the best. This was a situation she knew all too well. A local cult had employed her to freeze the genitals of their enemies.

Cleo was concerned when she looked up. "Emma, are you crying?"

Emma's eyes were frozen on the attachment, liquid falling down her face. Her legs were replaced by a tail. As she fell, the firing range of her powers landed on the faces of the genital pals Rikki and Zane.

"EM-" Rikki's cry was cut short due to the solidification of her face.

Zane's facial features froze in a comical manner. Lewis would have fetched a sharpie but due to the current situation, he was unable to.

Who would they call next? Did the show's budget stretch to any more characters? Find out in the next instalment of "TAIL ISSUES"!


End file.
